Balance.......

  I tend to do too much.  I can love too much, work too much, play too much.... But, what I can't seem to figure out is how to balance it all.  I work so hard that I fail to enjoy the day to day with my kids and hubby.  I play so hard that nothing gets done in the house until I hit a point where I am ready to freak out (which does happen) and can't do anything else until the house is done.  I try to stay on that balance beam and keep focused on what's ahead while juggling a million things at the same time.  Sometimes, like today, I fall off.  I have to wipe myself off, ignore the bruises, and get back on that balance beam.  But, it hurts.  It hurts to fall off and yell at your kids.  It hurts to fall off and worry about stuff you have no control over.  It hurts to fall off because you look down instead of ahead.  Each of those events give you another bruise.  Some days, I am black and blue.  Other days, I can get all those bruises healed and I am totally focused on what's ahead.  So, I want to know....am I the only one who struggles with this?  I was at dance tonight and one mom told her daughter, "Back up, you are on my last nerve." (This was after her telling her daughter to back up about a half dozen times)  I told her that she was my new BFF.  She thought I was offended.  But, I was relieved.  I am not striving to be a perfect mom or wife or person in general.  I know I have my flaws.  And, believe me, I have friends who harass me about some of them! :)  But, I want to achieve balance.  I am now into my 3rd week as a SAHM.  I am walking with a friend a few times a week, I have eaten with a few friends here and there.  But, now I am to the point where I need to find out what I want...what I need...  In order to do this, I have to stop on the balance beam and take a seat.  I have to dangle my legs over the edge and look around.  Which direction do I want to go?  Need to go?  I have just gotten accustomed to having complete silence in the house.  I like to sit in the living room and read.  It is nice.  It helps me relax.  Now I need to listen.  As I continue on this journey called life, I know I will fall.  I am just thankful I have good friends and family who are there to help "spot" me. (Especially when Eric is away.)  I have two healthy, well-adjusted, smart, girls.  I am very blessed and need to just breathe.........and look ahead!