I am.....

I am thinking about what is going right.  Someone commented "always a silver lining with you" on one of my FB posts tonight.  My response (in my head only), "yeah right!  You don't know the real me do you?"  Why is that my immediate response?  Why would I think I am negative?  Why AM I negative?  And, what can I do to stop complaining about things I cannot change and look at the glass half full more often?  I know that since I have become a SAHM, I am a much happier person.  But, when there is stress, I return to that anxious, easily angered person.  Why?  I can certainly tell that the weather has made a difference in my attitude.  And, I am such a rule follower and structured person that I don't like when I know what's right and what should be done and it isn't being done.  What makes it worse is when I know it is MY fault that things are done the right way.  For example, my girls need to go to bed at 8:00 and be almost asleep by 8:30.  This will help them get the rest that they need in order to be happy, healthy girls who are ready to learn at school.  But, lately, it has been 9 (and a few 9:30's, 9:45's!!!) before they are asleep! I am good and calm until 9:00.   But, then, I get stressed about their lack of sleep, wondering if they will be grouchy tomorrow....  What I want to do is relax and snuggle with the girls and let them know that they are safe and things will be ok.  I don't want them to worry as much as I do.  But, they are learning by my example. So, what's a girl to do?  Just what I was thinking when I came across this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-cara-barker/how-to-relax-more-and-stress-less_b_848360.html.  I am now very interested in seeing I Am.  I am not sure where I can find the movie.  But, surely it is somewhere. (read the article and watch the video then read on....
So, as Dr. Barker wrote, Like Shadyac, we have before us the opportunity for scrutiny, and the opportunity to ask, "What is wrong with my world, and what, specifically, will make it right?"What is wrong with my life? #1 I have a deployed husband and #2 my girls argue with each other more than I think they should and #3 I have a deployed husband.......  What, specifically, will make it right? for #1 an end to the war in Afghanistan/retirement from the Army/patience and for #2 patience/understanding/leading by example/counseling/learning to relax and finally, #3 realizing that there is nothing that I can do to change this and make the best of a bad situation. 
But, those aren't enough "making it rights" for me.  So, what else will make it right?  First, I need to stop being so hard on myself.  No one is perfect and although many have "perfect" houses, it isn't an entirely perfect life.  I need to give myself a break and realize that half of the parenting team is absent right now and because we are a team, each one of us suffers when the other is gone. (It always seems to be him absent....) I need to be thankful that I have a husband who is a true partner in parenting our girls.  I need to revel in the miracle that is having two happy, healthy children.  I need to take time to breathe and relax instead of feeling like I need to be productive from 7 am-8pm.  And, I need to embrace my role as a mom and snuggle, play, and love on those girls every chance I get.  As I watch those girls grow, I cannot believe that they are 8 and 6.  In a few years they will be in middle school, high school, then off to college. 
So, I am going to follow the advice in the article and follow this advice: "When you've been running too hot and heavy, sometimes the only thing to be done is to put yourself in time out -- not as a self-imposed punishment, but as a form of self-imposed compassion and respect for the fact that the psyche was not built for such chronic stress and strain."
I will keep you all posted on my progress.  I am sure I will be like a toddler on the naughty chair (Yes, I watched Supernanny) and try to sneak out, scream, cry, pout, and have to be reminded why I went there!  I am going to tackle the anxiety I feel to stick to such a schedule and enjoy my life as it is.  I know it will return to its normal self on or before February 4th, 2012.  But, until then, I need to learn to relax more and stress less! 
Please join me in this challenge.  If you are actively working on this goal, let me know how you are doing! :)