And...the winner is...ME!

And, you're thinking, "Wow! Amy won something!" or "What did she win?"  I won "The Worst Mother in the World Award!"  How did I win this?  I spent my morning getting my hair done...my stylist is good but s-l-o-w...Then, I followed that with a wonderful, relaxing lunch at Pancho Villa with my dear friend, Martha, whom I haven't seen since she began radiation due to Hodgkins Lymphoma.  Next, I went to the new Gyn office to make an appointment.  Why didn't I just call?  Because the machine says that you have to come in in person to receive the forms before they make you an appointment!  So, after an hour in the office filling out forms and waiting while the secretary types all 5 pages into a computer format on her computer...and finally make me an appointment.  After making the appointment, she had to get me a username and password for her database.  When I got home, I had to spend another 45 minutes filling out my medical history online.  I know, I know...this is more efficient for the doctor's office.  But, dang, it's like the "self check-out" lane at Wal-Mart and Kroger.  I DON'T USE THEM UNLESS IT'S AN EMERGENCY!!! And, since my previous Gyn was in the wrong "region" and insurance finally figured it out, I can't go see her.  See, she knows me, my mom, sisters, children.... 

When the girls got home, they got a 15 minute reprieve from work before they started their homework.  Well, 30 minutes if you include dinner at 4:30... They don't have much but the spelling works have kicked their butts!  So, after dinner, was spelling pre-test #3.  (they stunk!!) Off to soccer for RJ in the cold.  This was followed by having them have a snack because they were "starving!!!!!!!" After snack (and supposedly writing the spelling words they missed 10x each), I found out they didn't write their words!!!  Before you start judging me about 10x is too many...It starts with 3 on Tuesday, 5 on Wednesday, and 10 on Thursday.  Well, after RJ failed the pretest after NOT writing the words like she said she did, I lost it!  And, this is where the award comes in........I had to call MY Mom to calm me down.  I just couldn't believe that it was Thursday night and we are still missing the same words and it is because you didn't write the words 5x each like you said you did (liar!!) and you didn't write them 10x each tonight!!! So, I TOTALLY LOST IT!!! Really, I am a Mom and I have a Master's Degree in Education and my kids think that they can "sneak" and not do their homework????  REALLY?????  Don't think so.

So, of course it got worse before it got better.  I feel so bad when I get upset with them but I believe if they listened to me the first time and did what I said, they would do better on the pre-test today.  They will pay by getting up 10 minutes earlier tomorrow morning and take another pretest and see where we are.  I really love my kids and I am so glad that they are smart.  If they had learning disabilities, I would understand...but they are just being stubborn.

We are still trying to get settled into this new routine that started on February 6th!  Something changes every week.  Tomorrow night is Zumba followed by beer and pizza with friends...  I am ready!  And, I am going to bring my "Worst Mother of the Year" award with me!!!  It can only get better, right???  Routine is around the corner right????????

Day1=success@SAHM

Well, my alarm was to go off at 7:00 but I was up before then.  I got the girls up at 7:15 and our day began.  I had their lunches ready, breakfast served and we were out the door at 8:00.  I took them since it was their first day at the new school.  I could tell that D was nervous.  But, RJ wasn't really showing it.  By 8:30, I was home.  So, I cleaned, talked to a dear friend (as we tried to decide whether to go walking or not!~~we didn't!!), cleaned some more, ran to Kroger's, dropped a bag at Goodwill, went to the library, ran up to the neighbor's house, and mowed the yard.  Thank goodness I had a crock pot recipe so I was able to have dinner ready when the girls got home.  We then went through homework folders, ate, and went to dance.  I had a meeting at church while they were at dance.  When we got home we took turns reading to mommy/taking a bath alone!  It was nice to have each child alone tonight. 

The girls loved their school and I loved how patient I was with them.  Backpacks are packed and ready by the front door.  The non-perishables are packed in the lunchbox...  Wow!  I know I will mess up soon! 

Tomorrow I am a sub at my old job.  I have missed the kids but glad it's only for a day.  I want to enjoy more me time!

Spring break...Oh My!

For those of you who follow me on FB know that we have been on spring break this week.  We did take our spring break a little early (taking advantage of their last days as home-schooled kids).  So, Thursday and Friday we spent in Nashville to see my Grandmother (who is 88) and to take in a Predators hockey game.  It was a great time!  It is amazing that we have 4 generations!

Then, I gardened over the weekend and got the outside of the house ready for spring.  Then, the full swing of spring break kicked in!  Monday was spent with getting D her haircut, lunch, and 2 different playdates.  Tuesday we got D's glasses to match her Kit (American Girl) Doll.  We then went on another playdate. :)  We spent the afternoon outside and chatting!  Wednesday I met a girlfriend, Kristy, and spent the rest of the afternoon with my Dad. (And, Mom later in the day) On Thursday, we went to the Adventure Science Museum with my friend, Kendall, and kids.  Later I went to my first ever art event at Artifacts (here in downtown Clarksville) and it was fun.  Today, I added a kid and we went to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules .  It was a cute movie.  I really love the playdates that we have had this week since they were cheap and the Mommies and I had a good time!

My girls went to the counselor yesterday.  I previously posted that I set it up through Military One Source.  Their website,  www.militaryonesource.com, is a great resource for military families.  It has a ton of information for the spouse and children as well as the active duty family member.  And, if you haven't seen my previous blog, the Department of Defense offers (through Military One Source-MOS) 12 free counseling sessions (which is a better deal than Tricare).  They are tracking how many deployments the active duty family member is on (or completed) for data.  I can save them the money and time and tell them that as the number of deployments increase, the stress on the children increases.  The children get older and have a better hold on what is happening.  But, our counselor is wonderful.  She is working around the girls' school schedule.  She has worked in the Ft. Campbell and Clarksville-Montgomery County School Systems.  The girls also responded well to her.  What a relief for me and glad that they will get relief.

I finally had my first deployment meltdown today.  I couldn't answer the phone (with E calling), take the back off of the cash register (which requires a tiny screwdriver) and make the girls stop arguing at the same time.  That just was it.  So, I answered the phone (#1 importance), put the cash register on the stairs in the basement---which later got kicked down the stairs because I could still hear the shrill!), and yelled at the girls!  Then, I began crying.  I have read in many sources that we are supposed to let our husbands believe that the homefront is ok and we are ok and life is ok and nothing is wrong.  But, things are wrong!  He is supposed to be here to go to the basement to get the tiny screwdriver while I yell at the girls!  He is supposed to be here while I sleep, not my 6 y.o. who is having nightmares!  He is supposed to mow the lawn-not me!  He is supposed to arrange to get the mulch and lay it-not me!!  I am supposed to keep the house clean (which isn't happening)!  I am supposed to do the laundry!  I am supposed to set up all the bills to be paid and decide what we can and can't afford with his support... We are not ok with out him!  I married my husband because I didn't want to be without him.  I married him because he is part of me and means the world to me.  I married him because he calms me down, makes me laugh, and is the other 50% of the "parent" portion in our family.  We are a family of 4, not a family of 3.  So, to pretend that we are ok while running on 75% of our family (which is a D on the grading scale for our school system), is NOT OK!  75% is not satisfactory... 75% is not thriving...  So, when we have our other 25% back, we will have a great balance in our family.  2 parents+2 kids=Johnston Family  So, I don't go into all details with him but...I also can't fake it.

This is why tomorrow night, I will have a night alone.  I think I will sit at home and watch TV and drink a beer.  ;)

Yeah to spring break and YEAH to having spring break come to an end and a new era beginning for us.

Hard work!

I am exhausted after a weekend of yard work.  Usually, Eric would mow the yard while I was inside working on stuff (and checking facebook here and there...).  But, this weekend, I mowed the yard AND went through spring/summer clothes with the kids!  Today, I trimmed 15 bushes, cut back 2 knock out roses, planted 3 boxwood bushes, 3 something or others....20 something of some bulb plant and 24 tulips.  WOW!!!  I am soo tired!!  I am sore!  I miss my husband!!!  I can't believe that this is spring break already!  I have playdates and stuff planned for every day but Friday this week.  I can't believe how blessed we are to have such good friends! 

The girls are excited but a little apprehensive about starting their new school.  I am so glad that they will start in a week and I can be a mom only.  I can already feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders by not having any lesson plans, school work, etc. hanging over my shoulders.  I have found out that each girl will know people in their class.  I am glad that they each know someone.  I think it is so great that although they are changing schools, this will be an easier transition. 

I am able to talk to Eric many nights a week.  I feel very blessed that we have good communication abilities while he is away.  I am also feeling blessed that he and I have such a strong relationship that we can talk about nothing or something serious but still feel secure that we are always going to be married.  It makes this transition easier. 

Say a prayer for all of our troops tonight!  They aren't able to pray with their children tonight but need our prayers daily!

spring forward.........

So, as we spring forward, I know I am losing an hour of sleep. But, I am hoping that I gain rest.  After helping down at my parents' house today, I decided to take my parents up on the offer to leave the girls with them.  So, D and RJ are down in Nashville sleeping with their wonderful grandparents!  And, I am trying to figure out what to do without the girls.  I know...SLEEP!!!  LOL  I have had two dinners away without the girls since February 5th.  But, that's it.  As I spring forward, I am looking forward to all that life has in store.  As we end one chapter, we must begin a new one. I finished a chapter as a mom/teacher/dad/nurse/counselor, and will begin a chapter as a mom/nurse(hopefully not necessary for a while)/homework support...  I  look forward to being able to read books, take walks, and clean house.  I know...cleaning house will get monotonous and I will miss the adult conversation I get when working.  But, I am hoping that the trade off  is a much happier mom and one who has more patience.  I am looking forward to beginning this new chapter and writing its pages.  I hope each one of you look at this "springing forward" time as a time to explore what you really want out of life. As we are in the season of  Lent as well, look deep and analyze what you are doing that is working and what you are doing that is not working.   What do you want in your marriage, family, spiritual life, emotionally, and physically.  Then, go for it!!!  You can't write the chapter if you don't experience all that it has to offer!  The pages are blank and ready to be written.  Get the pen and enjoy writing! 

Down to the wire......

So, tomorrow is "the day."  It is my last day at work.  The parents and students know and I feel so much guilt about leaving them.  But, today I talked to one of my student's dad.  He asked what was happening.  I think he wanted to make sure that his kid would still be in good hands.  He told me that he respected me even more knowing that I am leaving because my kids and my family come first.  That made me tear up.  This is not something I ever expected coming from this parent.  He is nice but not forthcoming with emotions.

As I am looking forward to being only a mom, I have had to also look at the way my children are handling this deployment.  It has been harder on them than the last one.  Is it because they are older?  Is it because he was always basically home except for a few weeks here and there before the last deployment.  But, then he was only home for 14 months between 12 month deployments?  I am just not sure. D is very angry and it is affecting her confidence at school.  RJ just said, "Mom, if Sissy talks to someone, can I talk to someone too?"  I said, "Sure."  She said, "Because when I'm not crying on the outside, I am still crying on the inside."   I talked to E about it when he called and the next day I called Military One Source http://www.militaryonesource.com/ and set up a counseling session for the girls.  They have a ton of online resources.  But, one thing that they do offer is a set of 12 sessions of counseling (family, marriage, child...) for free.  I called, gave my basic information and they called a specific place in town and we set it up.  Military One Source is now tracking the number of deployments the active duty servicemember is on while asking questions.  I am sure that because these sessions are funded by the Dept. of Defense, they want to know how these deployments are affecting families.  I don't think that it will change the rate at which they are deploying soldiers or for how long but, they want to say they are at least studying it.  I don't have a degree in psychology (only 15 hrs. of undergrad in it) and I can tell you that as the number of deployments increase, the number of problems psychologically increase.....

As a Mom I feel like I have failed my kids because I can't help them cope.  But, as a Person, I know that these services are there so they can be used.  I just need to put the girls first and do whatever it takes to be a happy, healthy family!  (despite the desire to hunt down Uncle Sam and knock him upside the head!)

1 month down.................

So, we somehow survived the first month.  I am really not sure how we survived all three of us being sick, snow days, and the MOUSE!!!  But, there we were getting ready to head to Atlanta.  We left school and stopped to get a few things at the Rite-Aid before we picked up Mrs. Barbara and Chalan.  Well, surprise, surprise, the clerk (Bob) started acting weird. Then, began shaking.  The shaking got bad and I ran back to the pharmacy to get the pharmacist.  Well, come to find out, Bob has diabetes and was going into diabetic shock.  So, I had to call 911 as the pharmacist is trying to get glucose in his system.  After the ambulance was there, I decided to check out (since there was someone now available to check us out.)  I pray he is ok.  I need to go in and check on him.  Our plan was to get to the American Girl Doll store for dinner.  But, we didn't make it.  We did make it in time to shop!  Then, we partied 1/2 the night in the hotel with the dance kids/moms.  We got up and rehearsed, ate lunch, and performed!  We ate dinner, watched part of the performance for the evening and then partied some more!  ;)  Sunday were classes and they took a hip hop and a jazz class.  We were then able to spend time with friends in Atlanta.  The girls played for a few hours and then we headed home.  Besides the girls bickering with each other, it was a great weekend!!!  So, this is my last week at work and I can tell my stress level is so high that I need a break.  I am mom, dad, teacher, and everything....  But, this will soon end....and, we will get back onto a schedule that works for everyone....  Thanks to all my supporters...I couldn't do it without you!!!