Down to the wire......

So, tomorrow is "the day."  It is my last day at work.  The parents and students know and I feel so much guilt about leaving them.  But, today I talked to one of my student's dad.  He asked what was happening.  I think he wanted to make sure that his kid would still be in good hands.  He told me that he respected me even more knowing that I am leaving because my kids and my family come first.  That made me tear up.  This is not something I ever expected coming from this parent.  He is nice but not forthcoming with emotions.

As I am looking forward to being only a mom, I have had to also look at the way my children are handling this deployment.  It has been harder on them than the last one.  Is it because they are older?  Is it because he was always basically home except for a few weeks here and there before the last deployment.  But, then he was only home for 14 months between 12 month deployments?  I am just not sure. D is very angry and it is affecting her confidence at school.  RJ just said, "Mom, if Sissy talks to someone, can I talk to someone too?"  I said, "Sure."  She said, "Because when I'm not crying on the outside, I am still crying on the inside."   I talked to E about it when he called and the next day I called Military One Source http://www.militaryonesource.com/ and set up a counseling session for the girls.  They have a ton of online resources.  But, one thing that they do offer is a set of 12 sessions of counseling (family, marriage, child...) for free.  I called, gave my basic information and they called a specific place in town and we set it up.  Military One Source is now tracking the number of deployments the active duty servicemember is on while asking questions.  I am sure that because these sessions are funded by the Dept. of Defense, they want to know how these deployments are affecting families.  I don't think that it will change the rate at which they are deploying soldiers or for how long but, they want to say they are at least studying it.  I don't have a degree in psychology (only 15 hrs. of undergrad in it) and I can tell you that as the number of deployments increase, the number of problems psychologically increase.....

As a Mom I feel like I have failed my kids because I can't help them cope.  But, as a Person, I know that these services are there so they can be used.  I just need to put the girls first and do whatever it takes to be a happy, healthy family!  (despite the desire to hunt down Uncle Sam and knock him upside the head!)