mommy guilt....x10

So, after being up late and waking up numerous times in the night, I was allowed to sleep in late by D.  She was up just before 8 and she let me sleep until about 9:30.  RJ didn't get up until 10:15!  But, by 11 am, D was asking me to take her temperature.  Well, sure enough, she had a fever. I did what the NP told me to do and called the office as soon as she (D) started running a fever...  Since it was a Saturday, I talked to the answering service.  A nurse called me back.  I told her what was going on and she called the Dr.  A few minutes later, she called me back and said that the Dr. wanted her to call in Tamiflu.  I gave her the name and number of the pharmacy out by us.  Being a smart and caring Mom, I wanted to make sure she got as much rest as she could.  I was to take RJ to meet another Mommy and she was going to take her to K's 8th birthday party. We were to meet at the gas station at 2:30.  Perfect!  I would go drop RJ and on the way home (not having to cross the street) I would stop and get D's rx.  The drop off of RJ went as planned.  But, when I got into the pharmacy parking lot, I suddenly realized there wasn't a car in the lot! (There is a grocery store right there so there were cars in front of the grocery store but none near the pharmacy.)  Since the only time D has had a prescription in the last 2-3 years was for her post-op from tubes (back in '08) I had no idea that the pharmacy closed at 1:00. I spent the next 2 hours getting myself more and more upset because I should have found that out and I should have gotten her medicine for her.  After working myself almost to tears, I called the Dr. office again.  I also got the call back from the nurse on call.  Sweet Brenda (the on-call nurse) had to listen to me semi-freak out because I was here making these decisions and if only I had put the girls in the car earlier and gone up there...and now all 3 of us have been sick since E deployed on the 5th...How is this possible?  I am the worst mom--EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! She reassured me that I wasn't the worst mom, and sorry my husband is gone and tell him thanks for his service and thanks for your sacrifice.  Well, she said she would call the Dr. and see if he said to call it in to another pharmacy but if insurance wouldn't pay because the other pharmacy had already filled the prescription, it would be around $100.  And, it would only save her about 24 hours of suffering...
With a new perspective (between Brenda and my neighbor, Lori) I decided I needed to suck it up and realize it wasn't the worst thing I have ever done or will do and let D just be sick until she is well.  I am taking her to the Dr. on Monday and will verify if it is the flu or not.  And, I just need to believe in myself.  Even my poor mom felt bad for me.  She wanted me to put the girls in the car and come to her house. (An hour away) so she could help.  What a sweet Mom!!!! 
So, between my decision to quit my job and switch their schools and not picking up the rx, I know this has been an emotional week.  I guess I needed something to allow it all to come out.  I still feel guilty about it all but realize children are resilient and will survive.  And, as parents, we must all give our children a reason to see a shrink as adults.  (I tell this to other parents to keep them from worrying, why don't I tell myself the same thing???)
What a day.............ready for a healthy tomorrow...or maybe the next day..........